Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
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