idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
just come out here and I will go home with you...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
