he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
