He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
