gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
