Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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