well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
