Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
