the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize