**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
