Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Randomize
