you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
