u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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