He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
