Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
