Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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