My first STD was from a foam party
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
