I wanna passion pit in your ass
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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