Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
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