I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Princesses don't give blow jobs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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