i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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