We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
