I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
