Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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