Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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