I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
