Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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