i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
