I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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