She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
