you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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