Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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