Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
