I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
