come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
