Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
