I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
