its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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