So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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