Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
