I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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