It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
