Betty ford says i'm here all night
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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