please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
