we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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