Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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