a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
