Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
