you guys were way drunker than both of me
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
