just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
They took my balls.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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