I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
