im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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