Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
