??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
