I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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