so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
These People Are So Awkward You’ll Get Embarrassed
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
These People Encountered Celebrities in Bizarrely Normal Places
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...