i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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