I didn't shave. On purpose
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid