smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.