I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
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I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
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Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.