she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.