Don't you send me to vm
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
