no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
