Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
