hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
