just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
