Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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