Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
