so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
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Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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