I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
