never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm too high and old for this...
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
