drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
