dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
