Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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