i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
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Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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