Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
