I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
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its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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