Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
