i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
