I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
