sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
