We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
