the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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