Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
do herpes really smell.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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