i just made my gag reflex go away.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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