I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
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Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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