Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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