yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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