i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i believe in u and ur pee
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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