There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
