at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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