well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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