Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It's never too late to be topless.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
