If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
