Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
