The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
