Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
